Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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