Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
