Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
My vagina is officially offended.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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