You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
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