just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
