so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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