I'm so fucking centered right now
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
