My balls are so social today.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
