Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize