Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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