I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
