Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
