she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Randomize
