He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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