my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
