I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
