I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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