how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
