Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
