i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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