Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
