I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
