my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
Randomize
