My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
