I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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