I can't breathe out the right side of my face
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
