Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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