Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I'm like, not good at living.
Randomize
