You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
My ass is underappreciated
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
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