im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
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