Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize