Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Randomize
