I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
