I'm really into asian looking animals
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
BRING THE BAGELS
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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