It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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