His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
