My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
