I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
