I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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