I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
