Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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