Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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