Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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