I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
