allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
