I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize
