why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
