If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
