My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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