Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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