im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize
