ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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