woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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