So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
