I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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