I can't watch pbs sober anymore
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
