Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
