handjob tips. give me some.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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