weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I am full of burrito and curiosity
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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