There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
He better not be in your backpack
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Randomize
