I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
