Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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