needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
My vagina just clenched in fear
I need to align my fucking chakras
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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