Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
