I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
