If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Randomize
