He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
