The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
