i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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