I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
and she was petting her beer can
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
