If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
