My brain says no but my pants say off.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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