if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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