everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
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