R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
