wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize