the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
