you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
My ATM looks so different sober.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
