She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
